Sabotage the Divorce Fantasy Worksheet
by Nancy Fagan, The Divorce Reporter
Note to Reader: This worksheet is intended to be used with the article I wrote for The Huffington Post titled, "Sabotage the Divorce Fantasy."
Many people who contemplate divorce have a skewed outlook because the post-divorce life they envision is based in pure fantasy. The perspective focuses on how much better their life will be without their spouse in it. As many quickly discover, the relief they find is not only short-lived, but also replaced with a far-reaching trickle effect is especially damaging. In order to lessen the impact, it’s best to be realistic about what will happen once you announce your divorce. To do this, you need to think of everyone and everything in your life that will be touched negatively by a divorce. The key is to get detailed about what the realistic outcome will be.
This worksheet has four columns for you to fill in: 1. Who/what will be affected by the divorce? 2. How will the person/thing be affected? 3. What will the person lose as a result of the divorce? and 4. How will you handle the consequences of the situation? It’s very important to get detailed.
WHO or WHAT will be affected by the divorce? (Kids, family, etc.?) List each person separately. |
HOW will the person/thing be affected as a result of a divorce?
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What will this person LOSE as a result of a divorce? (I.e. House, friends, school, full time parent) |
How will you handle the consequences of this situation? Describe in full detail how column 3 will play out (i.e. what will you say, what reaction will the person have, etc.). |
EXAMPLES |
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| Child 1: Johnny | Devastated | Living with both parents | Describe in full detail how you will tell Johnny that you are getting a divorce. |
| Employment | I will have to get a job | I will have to get training before I can start a career | I will have to take out a student loan to pay for the training. |
| Finances | I will have to give my wife half the money I’ve earned over the last 12 years. | I will lose half of my retirement | I will make an appointment with our accountant to find the best way to divide our assets/savings. |
IMMEDIATE FAMILY |
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| Name of child 1: | |||
| Name of child 2: | |||
| Step/Half Sibling: | |||
| Step Child: | |||
| Family Pet: | |||
| Other: | |||
| Other: | |||
EXTENDED FAMILY |
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| Grandma 1: | |||
| Grandpa 1: | |||
| Grandma 2: | |||
| Grandpa 2: | |||
| Aunt 1: | |||
| Uncle 1: | |||
| Other: | |||
WORK RELATIONSHIPS |
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| Boss: | |||
| Co-Worker: | |||
SOCIAL RELATIONSHIPS |
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| Friend 1: | |||
| Friend 2: | |||
Neighbor: |
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| Golf Buddy: | |||
| Other: | |||
THINGS |
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| Daily Finances | |||
| Retirement | |||
| Transportation | |||
| Living Arrangements | |||
| Lifestyle | |||
| Social Groups: | |||
| Memberships: | |||
| Career | |||
| Free Time | |||
| Hobby 1: | |||
| Hobby 2: | |||
| Other: | |||
| Other: |
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Questions/Feedback:
- Phone: (858) 863-3380
- E-mail: Nancy@TheDivorceHelpClinic.com
Bio: Nancy Fagan, MS is the founder of The Divorce Help Clinic™ (divorce planning & divorce mediation services), a Huffington Post divorce writer and author of "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Romance" (Macmillan Publishing) and "Desirable Men: How to Find Them" (Prima Publishing). As a nationally recognized divorce and relationship expert, she has appeared on countless television and radio shows, and quoted in national magazines and popular On-line publications since 1997. In addition, she is considered a pioneer in the field of pre- divorce planning and frequently sought out to speak on the topic. Nancy holds a Master’s Degree in Clinical Psychology with extensive training in divorce mediation and alternative dispute resolution. To learn more, visit TheDivorceHelpClinic.com.
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Disclaimer: Legal Information Is Not Legal Advice. The Divorce Help Clinic provides information about the law designed to help you safely cope with your own legal needs. Legal information is not the same as legal advice--the application of law to an individual's specific circumstances. Although we go to great lengths to make sure our information is accurate and useful, we recommend you consult a lawyer if you want professional assurance that our information, and your interpretation of it, is appropriate to your particular situation.
